E v e r y[body][Sirius] h.u.r.t.s

[Ripley Todd]

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Suppose life went the way you wanted it to. Would it still be life, or just all your dreams coming true? Ripley wasn’t much of a philosopher, that was more of Remus, but when the mood hit, she would sit and ponder for hours at a time. She sat comfortably in front of the lake, on the rocks of the beach, throwing a few in when she stopped pondering. Love wasn’t meant for her; else she would’ve had it by now. Then again maybe it wasn’t love, maybe the guy she thought she loved.

The cold wind caressed her young face as she tilted it towards the sky; winter was coming; of that she was sure. Winter cold and harsh, but her month of happiness and contentment. The fight she had gotten into had left her with a few detentions, but nothing too serious, besides a black eye that she insisted on letting heal on its own, unassisted by magic. Her brown hair whipped back with the stronger wind, Goosebumps rippled down her strong arms. Like a moron she went outside in only a tee-shirt, jeans and of course shoes. She didn’t like to wear a jacket unless she absolutely had to.

She let out a slightly aggrieved sigh, the winter months usually were the months were crushes got together, were others shared anniversaries, whisperings of sweet nothings, the thing she wished to have, but had it torn away at the same time. Everybody got hurt, it was a part of life, everyone would be sad. And yes, after James’s emotions she knew everyone cried. But she wasn’t everyone, yet here she was wounded, jaded and pretty sure hated. So, why was she there?

[Sirius Black]

Sirius was outside on an extradordinarily cold day when he could have been inside by the fire. Well of course there was only one thing that would bring him outside today - other than catching the eye of an extradordinarily pretty girl - and that was feeding his extraordinarily bad habits. Cigarette in hand, a shower of ash was tapped off the edge as he tromped across the grass, a shabby black traveling cloak dancing around his ankles in the breeze. Than he saw it - the girl that probably had his death wish dated and signed - the one's whose friendship he might have lost for the vast majority of his life for one night of drunk stupidness. At the moment it had seemed like a good idea that was persuading Remus to go to bed with Delilah, both had been good friends and in a moment of dumb luck he had made the connection that they would be perfect for each other. With the doubled effort and help James, they persuaded their two friends to get into bed with each other - of course all of them had been roaring drunk. Or at least that was how Sirius remembered it - or what he could remember of it. A pang of sympathy would've cut throw him like a knife had he not remembered that self-preservation came first above all things. Sure she had trusted him with her feelings, but he had been drunk and when Sirius was drunk he didn't have his wits about him like he did when he was sober. So thus a drunk Sirius did things the sober Sirius would never dream of and that was to persuade Remus into going for another girl. The situation only seemed to get worse as Sirius played those jumbled memories back and now saw the solitary figure of Ripley sitting across from him near the shallow edge of the lake's bank.

Having never been a coward in his life, Sirius wasn't going to start now, he felt the need to apologise, or maybe even talk with her. Were all his stupid actions worth losing a friend over? Usually in Sirius's book friends came first above most anything, and that was what he stood for because they were the people that helped him keep his slowly depleting sanity. So he needed to apologise, but Sirius being stubborn had never apologised for anything in his life. His thick-headed and stubborn nature prevented him from doing that. He cast a wary glance in her direction, taking another drag from his cigarette, his oldest habit had become his newest obsession as of late. Inhaling slowly, he felt relief trickling through his veins as he soaked up the nicotine in his lungs. So many people were telling him to stop lately he was close to setting himself on fire.

There she was, her back was still turned maybe she wouldn't notice him, Sirius thought abruptly as he walked on across the lawns, he was nearly directly behind her. There was no way -- all of the sudden out of nowhere Sirius felt his foot catch an uprooted root and he went flying forward face first into the grass. He couldn't muffle the shout of surprise that had left his lips as he quickly tried to scramble to his feet, his cigarette had been saved having been clasped between two fingers the whole time. Trying to get onto his feet, Sirius shot a very worried expression in Ripley's direction, hopefully she hadn't seen him or heard him.

[Ripley Todd]

Ripley lowered her head, digging her fingers back into her curly brown hair. How could she have been so blind not to see it before? The awkwardness with them, it was so apparent that he didn’t like her that he was probably in love with Delilah. She shook her head, lifting it and removing her fingers from the tresses. She had been blind, so blind. She shook her head looking at the sun reflecting on the lake.

With a hefty sigh, she gave fleeting look towards the castle, her lips turning into a sneer. If that was how he wanted it then fine. She would keep all the words she still wanted to say in her heart, fuck him and fuck love. No one needed the confusion, the sacrifice, the pain or the pleasures. Maybe there was someone else for her, she would just have to lean back and wait for him to find her.

Thump! Along with the noise came a surprised yelp. A yelp she knew very well indeed. With a heavy sigh she didn’t bother turning, only pulled her knees up and rested her arms across them. ”Sirius, is there a reason you’re out here? She could smell the cigarette he had been smoking and since she knew he was the only one who would dare approach her, that it could only be the one and only man whore of Hogwarts.

[Sirius Black]

"You tell me, and than we can play twenty questions." Sirius responded rather roughly as he dragged himself to his feet. Without much hope of saving his cigarette he carelessly threw it to the ground snubbing it out with the heel of his boot seconds later. The wet dewey grass now covered the front of his torn jeans with a few scattered green grass stains to prove that he really had tripped over himself again. Great, just plain great. Sirius thought to himself, he had been going on about to avoid her and of course he goes and trips over himself so now he has to go and face the music - or rather the girl and talk with her. He was mildly surprised that she hadn't immediately pointed a finger in his direction, throwing accusations at his head and perhaps curses at his body. Well, this was an improvement to say the least from his usual enemies - they were the ones he needed to worry about --- what was he talking about? Ripley was his friend, not his enemy, and she definitely wasn't going to curse him, no that wasn't her style, maybe she'd beat him up or something? Yes, that sounded a hell of a lot more reasonable, so he could take that. "But it's too late because I've already won." Sirius announced as an afterthought as he causually begun groping through his own pockets for the pack of cigarettes that he might have stowed away somewhere. With little to no luck he found himself, facing the direction of Ripley's turned back, she appeared to be staring wistfully out at the lake. Maybe she'd turn around and tell him to get lost right away, that would've been a good excuse.

Instinctively Sirius reached for the cigarette shoved behind his ear, the one that he had put there with intentions of quitting, but of course that was always the first one to go when it came to lighting up. Shoving it into the side of his mouth, he ignited it quietly with the tip of his wand which he had pulled caually from his pocket moment before. Now the wand was replaced with hopes that he wouldn't have to use it at all today to protect himself from her, no that would just be downright strange. Taking the first drag, Sirius felt the satisfying rush of smoke and nicotine surge through his veins as he took a few steps in her direction. Although she looked composed from the back he was sure that she was going through her own personal hell. He couldn't blame her for that - girls had feelings he was uncapable of having - well maybe that was people in general, but hey he just couldn't tell at this point because obviously he lacked them.

Sirius had never really been 'in love' so he didn't exactly know what this whole thing was about, since he lacked few real feelings for any one girl that he dated all his relationships had been disposable. And dispose of them he did, almost to the point of where it became a ritual every single week or rather every other day. There was always another girl to be gotten, or a good lay to be had, and when those things were around so was Sirius. Perhaps that was why his reputation was getting so bad, well it wasn't like it bothered him at all, everyone knew what he wanted and that was never commitment.

[Ripley Todd]

"You tell me, and than we can play twenty questions."

Ripley smiled slightly at his response. "I'm out here to get over Remus since I told him and Dell to have a good relationship and wondering why two of my best friends pushed them together while they were drunk when they knew I liked Remus." She didn't turn, didn't face him directly, the cold tone of her voice should've been good enough. "So, now that they're together and rigthfully so, I can come out here sulk for an hour go back inside and think of handle to handle my next delemia aka my mom."

She stared out at the lake, the tentacles of the squid just touching the surface. The scent of smoke reached her and with a sigh she stated. "Ya know smoking can kill you, if you don't die from lung cancer then you'll die of something worse." She forewarned. Running a hand back through her hair she tilted her face skyward wishing for people to leave her in the misery that something like love had caused.

"But it's too late because I've already won."

"Yeah, sure, okay." Rip replied sarcastically. "Go on and think that. Get back to me when you know the answer." Brown eyes drifted back onto the ground in front of her. Picking another rock up she threw it into the water, watching as it sank to a part where she couldn't see. "Go away, Black. OKay? I'll make it easier on us, just go the fuck away."

[Sirius Black]

Her cold tone was enough to indicate to Sirius that she was obviously very mad at him, she was mad beyond the point of playful words or actions such as smacking him and possibly not meaning it. No, this time it was serious, this was bad, the sort of bad that you wanted nothing to do with because obviously she was pissed to the point where she almost didn't have the words to express it. So maybe he had overdone it this time, maybe he had screwed up yet again, but that was what Sirius always did and most always there was a way to bounce back. Now he could only hope to find a way out of this situation before it consumed her, before she was beyond recognition because it was as much his fault that she was in this state as it was James's.

"Ripley --" Sirius begun but she broke him off in midsentence when she replied that Remus and Delilah were rightfully together. "They're not together." Sirius protested removing the cigarette from the side of his mouth and flicking some of the smouldering ash on the tip off. He stepped on the remains of the ash, snubbing it into the ground like his first cigarette to kill the chance of a fire on the grounds that morning. She was being ridiculous, it had only been a one night stand - where was the crime in that? Remus wasn't dating anyone and he wasn't tagged exclusively for Ripley, James and him were just trying to get poor Mooney to let loose and have some fun for once. Besides if they would've kept the thing under wraps Ripley would've never found out and things would be like they always were - untouched and simple as always. But right now things were simple, the beans had been spilled and Ripley seemed like some sort of walking depression ready to burst at the first chance she got. In this way Sirius found himself feeling a pang of pity for her, but than there was that mentuality in the back of his mind that told him that everyone needed to pick themselves up every once and a while and keep on going. She might have not seen it the same way since she was out here laying around while Remus was inside the castle potentially chasing girls.... well maybe not, perhaps he was just reading the latest edition of their charms textbook.

"It was a one night stand, it's not like it's the end of the world." Sirius protested again rather loudly, he was irritated that she seemed so closed minded about the whole thing. Suddenly he was the constant enemy and she was the bystander turned victim to the incidence, apparently she was under the impression that once Remus got some he would never sit well with the idea of liking another girl besides the one that he had done it with. "It's not like they got married, you act like it they were consumating it or something." Sirius spat, there was a bit of irony in his tone as he took another drag off of his cigarette. She told him to get lost, there was a chill to her voice, his grey eyes went cold merely staring in her direction. She obviously wasn't kidding around with him anymore, maybe she was on her last string.

"Look, it wasn't like I meant for it to happen, I was drunk and I didn't know what I was saying. It happens..." Sirius replied firmly, he was unmoving on that front, it was his fault sure, he'd take the blame of course but he couldn't help what had already been said and done.

[Ripley Todd]

"Ripley --They're not together."

At this Rip let out a bitter laugh. "Double check your sources Sirius, they're together since...two nights ago I believe, wanna know how I know?" She looked out at the mountains with shining brown eyes. "Cause I was there, and I told them they belonged together." The brisk wind blew her curly chesnut hair back along with the small quiet sigh she let slip out.

"It was a one night stand, it's not like it's the end of the world. It's not like they got married, you act like it they were consumating it or something."

Ripley didn't reply to that. How could she? In the end she knew it didn't matter what any of them said, she had let him go doing the perfectly logical thing. Her thoughts were clear and memories of that nigth still tainted her mind. Hell, everything was just muddling together, for her at least. For the others, she hoped they would figure out their relationship and soon, it was good, for both of them and she knew that Dell would love Remus more than she ever could.

"Look, it wasn't like I meant for it to happen, I was drunk and I didn't know what I was saying. It happens..."

Ripley turned her head to stare at Sirius, until then she had not bothered to face her friend, she knew they were all sorry it happened the way it did, but that hadn't stopped her from telling James she needed to think, telling Remus and Dell they belonged together, it was almost full circle, Sirius was the last one.

It didn't mean anythin' then, but now it does." She answered slowly. "Games over, Padfoot, they're happy, I'm happy for them now they can fuck and be happy. Okay? Happy? Plan suceeded."

[Sirius Black]

Double check my sources? Sirius was a little stunned at her response, she was being a tad melodramatic in his eyes but than again he didn't know how it felt to love someone. He had never known what it felt to be madly in love with someone in such a manner that you'd give anything to be with them, because he didn't love girls he just lusted after them. He loved his friends and he cared about them, especially the marauders and a few others, but he could never love a girl truely without having used her in the process. Sirius almost felt that a part of him was incapable of such an act and maybe that was why he was so restrained in the relationships department when it came to commitment that was pure and simple, or supposedly 'pure' and 'simple.' Sirius felt that he knew commitment in it's true form - ugly, real, and horrible. But Ripley, she knew what it was like to love someone so much that maybe you'd want to see them happy. Sirius had never known that feeling, thus he was having trouble relating to her right now, he couldn't see things the way that she saw them, he wasn't capable of such a feat. Somewhere in his life the feeling had left him completely, or maybe he had never developed it when it should've been there at an early age. The feeling had abandoned him, it was lost to him, scattered about the pieces of what had once been his childhood.

"Just because you told them that they belonged together it doesn't mean that they are now officially 'together.'" SIrius retorted, he had a feeling that his words weren't helping any. Perhaps it was better to just leave her alone. Than again Sirius hadn't talked to Remus recently, well.... really actually talked to him and asked him what was going on. Delilah hadn't said anything, but maybe the two of them were too embrassed to really come out with it and say it. Despite the fact that Sirius lacked the information, he still didn't mind having the conversation to defend his own position. Sure he might have made a shitty friend, and maybe even a worse boyfriend [if the opportunity ever presented itself], but there was no reason why he couldn't try and right the wrongs, right?

Than she had finally turned to face him after all the time had passed as he had been speaking solely to her back, she seemed emotionally torn in a way that Sirius couldn't quite put his finger on. Had he reduced her to shatters? No, maybe she had a hand in this all too, hadn't she refused to admit her feelings to Remus? But than again Sirius couldn't completely shift the blame away from himself, drunk or not he might have had a responsibility to stop his own actions. Even if his actions had been all in innocence, Remus had seemed like he needed some good clean fun that night....at least that's what SIrius could remember.

"Well as long as you are happy than, because you know you could've fooled me just right now." Sirius replied a bit sarcastically, she seemed like she was upset but she was still using his nickname which might have been a good sign.