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Post by Ripley Todd on Jul 19, 2007 13:27:08 GMT -5
Date: After the common room
Time: afternoonish
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Maybe she should’ve been nicer to Remus when she had told him about her feelings, but then again Ripley wasn’t one to ponder on the past. What’s done is done. But then why did she rant about a fairy tale. She wished it could be like Beauty and the Beast, or even Cinderella. Or so she used to think, if she still thought that way then why was she walking in the Forbidden Forest, by herself, in the same place two students were murdered? Then again, why was she unafraid of what could happen to her?
With a sigh Ripley ran a hand back through her chestnut locks, she’d grown use to wearing it down, when she was alone at least. Brown eyes looked around the dim forest, rays of sunlight fought through thick autumn leaves, shining dully on the pine needle covered floor. With a sigh she went off the trail, climbing tree roots and mounds of dirt. She took a deep breath of the earthy smell and felt her body relax.
If she could count how many times a day she sat in class and wished that she could run through the woods, just to run away from responsibility and her friends, she’d be up in the millions. She stopped after walking for near twenty minutes according to her watch. She looked behind her, the gate to the forest was a long way off and the deeper she went in the forest the more on guard she became. It didn't have the same feeling as before, or maybe it was her.
“Okay, Todd,” She rolled her neck around on her shoulders and shook her arms out. “Let’s see if you still got it in you.” She started to run, her footsteps and breathing the only sound in the forest, coming to a small hill of roots and dirt she jumped off long legs held high. Her body twisted into that of a grey wolf and landed on her front legs, her back paws scattering dirt up as she ran. As a wolf Rip felt as if she were in her environment. Letting out a happy howl she leapt off another mound and stopped dead, panting, as the dirt settled. Ahead was a form of something or someone. |
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Post by Remus Lupin on Jul 19, 2007 17:09:30 GMT -5
 x x
Remus walked, the sound of the leaves crunching beneath his feet. Every so often he saw a tree that was unlike the rest, mangled or torn into pieces. At that he would simply sight, just another reminder of the best he was. There was nothing for him anymore sometimes. Or so he felt that way. He was just grateful that he had friends to share it with and not keep the entire burden upon himself. James, as much as an arrogant airhead he was, he was a good guy. Sirius just couldn't get enough of life and helped cheer him up when he most needed it.
And then therw was Lily who just showed that being a bookworm wasn't such a bad thing, and then there was Ripley. He stopped walking for a second. That was an entire episode on its own. He started to walk again, it had been a small period of time since they had last spoken and it had been more of an argument in the common room. What she had confessed....it made him feel wierd, that was the first time he had been told such a thing, it took time getting used to.
But what could she possibly see in him? He was a werewolf, how could you love such a beast. Remus didn't know what he felt but she deserved better. What had become of them now? She was avoiding him by all cost and even Lily said fewer and fewer words to him. Everything seemed surreal. But he just needed time to think, that always seemed to help him in a time like this. During his walk he saw what he normally saw int he forest, for he was no stranger to this place.
But up ahead as he passed another mangled tree he heard running, the fast noise of feet on brush. Stopping he looked around slowly to survey his surroundings. At first he didn't see anything, but he expected somethign pop out sooner or later, whether it was a threat or a prank.
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Post by Ripley Todd on Jul 19, 2007 17:23:48 GMT -5
Ripley took a few cautious steps forward, her black nose raised in the air sniffing. Yellowish eyes gazed through the brush, a few more steps, and another pause. Is that—No She poked her head through the brush and looked at Remus. Even in her Animagus form she felt her heart quicken and skip a beat. Same old reaction She thought bitterly. Lifting her head up she walked out of the brush and looked up at Remus with wolf eyes that begged for forgiveness. I’m just a cute little puppy, She cocked her head to one side, before backing up and shifting back into a human.
She sniffed, moving her lips to one side and back as the cold autumn air and the run bugged her sinuses. “What’re you doing here?” She asked shortly, rubbing her palms on her jeans. Awkward for her only because she had been the one to confess the feelings she’d hidden for five years, Remus didn’t have to worry about that. Lucky. As silence fell, Ripley realized she could’ve just walked away. But it wasn’t that she thought Remus couldn’t take care of himself in the forest, it was because she worried about the small things with other people. Like an attack, or if the ‘murderer’ went after him.
That and she would probably have to apologize to him, for her actions and since Lily had kind of taken a break from both of them, Ripley’s rants and whatever Remus talked to her about. “Uh, listen Rem,” Rip scuffed the toe of her sneaker in the pine needles. “About the other night, I didn’t—well, shit.” She rubbed the back of her neck a nervous habit and bit down on the corner of her bottom lip. “I won’t take back what I said,” She whispered, heart beating. “But I shouldn’t have said it, in that way. And—“ She took a moment and swallowed her pride. “I’m sorry. A-and I know you'd never wanna be with a girl like me, I mean hell that's why the ex cheated on me...” She looked up and met his eyes. "There is nothing wrong with you, Remus, and even if you don't--Well, shit." Ripley shook her head. "Sorry. The main point is I'm sorry, for whatever pain I've caused you."
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Post by Remus Lupin on Jul 20, 2007 2:21:59 GMT -5
Remus looked around for a moment, he could have sworn he sensed another presence here. A side effect of his condition, alerted senses which were good and annoying at the same time. Then he heard a noise, a figure walk out of the bushes. Just a wolf, but it's yellow eyes never looked away from him, and while he was scrutinizing the animal it transformed, revealing the form of Ripley. Of all people, he felt all awkward again, why now, there was no way that it was just coincidence that he'd run into her. Fate had a funny way of playing things to their own discretion.
"Walking." he said pointing out the obvious. "I could ask you the same thing." He added, the Forbidden Forest was anything but forbidden to him. "Last I checked the forest was Forbidden." So he wasn't acting his complete self but he'd used the excuse of hanging around James and Sirius together too long. After all sarcasm was their second language and they were both fluent. As before he didn't need her to watch out for him ,he could take care of himself just fine.
Before he could say anything on what he had actually been thinking about, she spoke first. He listened as she brokenly put the apology together. And there was a mention of an ex, now he felt kind of bad, never having been in a real relationship before because he never let himself. "It's alright, you haven't caused me any pain. I'm just worried about what i've put you through." He replied, the suffering of longing for something you could never have hurt, and he knew that, but he wasn't about to get drawn into this because nothing could change the monster that he was.
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Post by Ripley Todd on Jul 20, 2007 15:09:36 GMT -5
Ripley looked at Remus with dark brown eyes that clearly said she worried about him even if he didn’t care. She always worried about her friends, lately it had been James and Lily that caused her lack of sleep. She hoped he wasn't angry with her, hell, she was angry with herself more than him or anyone else. She didn’t need an awkward silence, she could’ve kept walking, but no, Remus had shown up and being a complete moron she stopped and decided to chat.
“I see James and Sirius’ sarcasm has rubbed off on you lately.” Ripley replied somewhat coldly. “You’re right it is forbidden, maybe that’s why I like it so much.” She folded her arms and leaned on one leg, waiting, hoping for some sort of response that wasn’t coldhearted.
“What you’ve put me through?” She replied bitterly. “Give me a break Remus; you haven’t put me through anything.” That was a lie, they both knew it. She lifted a shoulder in a shrug as if she didn’t care that he’d broken her heart, that she didn’t care she’d never have a chance. “Don’t worry about it; I learned a long time ago that dreams are for rookies.”
Remus couldn’t possibly know how much it hurt her to brush it off as if it were a flake of snow on someone’s jacket. It killed her inside, felt ten times worse then Tyler cheating on her. This was Remus which added another level of difficulty. Maybe if she acted coldhearted—no, she couldn’t do that to Remus, but really, how could she tell him she didn’t care if he were dangerous or not, how could she tell him that she’d stand by his side and help him. Guilt hit her, the last thing Remus needed was her help he had the Marauders for that.
“Maybe I should just go, eh, Remus?” She asked softly. “Find a school in America.” She forced herself to look at him, words clogged in her throat. Leave so I don’t have to see you everyday, and know we can never be. She wanted to say it, but knew well enough it was a bad idea. Just like telling him she liked him had been.
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Post by Remus Lupin on Jul 22, 2007 18:41:32 GMT -5
Things weren't back to normal, no they never would be. How many other people knew of her feelings for him? Was it that obvious and he was just oblivious to the truth, his eyes passing over it and not comprehending. Remus couldn't bring himself to look at her at that moment, instead focusing at the ground or his shoes, there was too much confusion to do anything. He almost wished he had walked away, so that they didn't have to endure this awkward conversation, it was somewhat new to the guy and he wasn't sure what he was doing anymore.
Her tone was unsetteling, obviously she still felt the pain he had given her from their last conversation, there was a small pain of guilt in his chest for it. Remus didn't answer, there really wasn't an answer because he was also in the Foribben Forest, not because he liked it that much, but because it was a comfortable place for him when he needed to think against the incessent noise that came from everybody else.
He didn't think that she would react like this, just giving up. But then again he was used to seeing James' neverending advances to Lily. There was conviction behind her words, but he couldn't bring himself to bieleve them, at least if she really had these feelings and such for him. At lease he could relate, any dream he had as kid had been ruined, any prospect of any success gone by the simple fact that he was a Werewolf. It hurt just to think about it, he wasn't even fully human.
"Seriously, you've been acting all different lately. I mean, I know all those things happened, but I can't..." He trailed off, his excuse was the same. Its not like he transformed into a cute little puppy or something. No. He became a werewolf, a savage beast that has cuased damage and pain to many people. He couldn't put his problems on somebody else's shoulders. It didn't matter if he loved anybody, he was doing them a favor.
"No, of course not." He was appalled by her suggestion, she would just leave on his account, just because he didn't return the feelings she offered him. It just wouldn't work, his logic worked, but never to others.
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Post by Ripley Todd on Jul 22, 2007 19:21:04 GMT -5
“Of course I’ve been acting different lately, Remus,” Ripley replied furiously. “How do you think it feels to be on my end?”That was unfair of her, she knew deep down already that maybe it was the best choice.
"Can’t what, Remus?” She asked trying not to cry. “Can’t love? Can’t handle the truth? There is nothing wrong with you, if there was do you think James and Sirius would be your there for you? That Lily would be your friend? That I would lo-like you the way I do?” She sighed shakily, pushing a hand back through her hair. “Nothing has changed between us, Remus, I don’t care if you’re a werewolf, I don’t care if you think you’ll hurt me…” A tear fell from one solid brown eye, the dam inside of her, the bottle up emotions were about to spew forth…and not in a good way.
Ripley reached a shaking hand up and wiped away the tear, trying hard not to let the rest fall. She tilted her head back, swallowing past the emotional lump in her throat. “Why can’t I Remus? Why can’t I leave? You won’t even give this a chance!” She tilted her head forward and looked at him, brown eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “Like it or not you’ve already hurt me, worse then Tyler did. All I wanna do is stand by you, friend or girlfriend—you have to trust people or you’re gonna end up alone.” More tears began to fall and Ripley brushed them away just as furiously.
Her words grew more emotional; her tone stayed the same quiet, but strong. “Those who walk alone in this world have no idea how much others love them, and they’ll live their life never knowing. It’s about chance Remus. It’s about following your heart and not looking back on the past.” Her hands fisted at her hips, in a posture of defense she shook back the curtain of brown hair that had previously been covering her face. “Nothing changes between us Remus, this will not ruin our friendship, the only thing ruining it right now, is you being—so, frickin’ naïve.”
She thought of something that she could use, but it’d be low, really low. So, Rip changed tactics. “You know Remus, unlike James and Lily who’ve been at their game for six years, I would actually like to know what it’s like to love and be loved, but apparently you don’t believe in that and I’m not good enough for you.” She took a shuddering breath and reached over taking his hands in hers. "Remus," She met his eyes. "I don't like giving up on anything, but I can't spend my life holding onto something I don't think is there. If you don't wanna try then fine, but tell me that, so I can go back to the dorm, cry my eyes out and take the next three weeks to get over it." [/center][/size] |
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Post by Remus Lupin on Jul 23, 2007 2:28:40 GMT -5
Remus only looked down again, it was a dumb statement to begin with. Of course, but he couldn't relate all that well. He'd been in a situation before, only never admitted to the feelings he had, so therefore he couldn't know what it felt like. The anger was showing now in her words. She had a point, what couldn't he do? It was just the way he was because of his condition, he didn't let himself get close like that, it was hard to explain.
"You don't understand, its hard to explain. It's not just because i'm a werewolf, but thats part of it because it doesn't let me get close to people in that way." Meaning intimacy in the romantic way. "That's the thing. I'm scared I will..." He cared too much about her to let himself do anything to her, whether she followed him again or happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He would never forgive himself if he did. And it hurt him to see her as a tear slid down her face, obviously still in pain.
"How is leaving going to help you? You can't run away from your problems, trust me." You couldn't outrun the world, as hard as you tried. He'd tried and it fell on his shoulders more and more. His jaw clenched in habit, what could he say to that? Nothing. That was what he had to say, just speachless for a moment. She was right, he didn't trust people sometimes, he should though. If he let the other three stand by him, then why not another person too?
Follow your heart? It wasn't that simple. Chance had gotten him in deep trouble before, in the wrong place at the wrong time and in the face of danger and death itself, only to escape with the same recurring nightmare once a month. "Chance? Do you think its that simple? The last time I took a chance I ended up a bloody werewolf." That one hit a slight nerve. He couldn't help if he dwelled in the past, it was the way he was. How the hell was he being naive? It was just him being reasonable, there was just no way to get anybody to understand.
"I never said that." He retorted, hating when people came up with their own conclusions like that. It really didn't solve anything. "Then what do you want me to do?" He replied, just frustrated and confused and felt like yelling or something. Which was unlike him. Then she took his hands, feeling her smooth skin over his. Remus didn't say anything, he couldn't because he didn't know what. His blue eyes searched her misty orbs. Not knowing what the hell to do.
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Post by Ripley Todd on Jul 23, 2007 10:36:23 GMT -5
Ripley looked down at his hands in hers and let a barley audible sigh out. Once again she was the one putting her heart out on the butchers block. The way she was now, fighting and detentions, not only the work of her dads’ death, but being hurt too many times. Did she want that to happen again? Remus was worth it, she knew that without a second thought. Her eyes filled with more tears at the thought and she did her best to fight them back, she had sworn she’d never cry in front of him, now it was too late. Now she was a weakling.
"Remus, a werewolf is once a month, yeah it’s still inside you, but when the moon isn’t full, you have control, you pop that sucker right on the snout and tell him to blow it." Ripley’s voice wove in and out of breaking and holding strong. "You’ll what? Turn at a moments notice and kill me?" She whispered tightening her grip slightly on his hands and then loosening. “Won’t happen and if it does, I’ll do it with you.” She could transform quicker than him if her research had gone right.
"It’ll get me away from you," Ripley didn’t mean it in a harsh way it was stating a fact. “Get me away from ‘danger’. What you don’t understand is I can handle this. If I have to prove it to you then let me go, for one night and one night only so I can show you that even as a werewolf you won’t hurt me, please.” That was it, that right there, Ripley was begging. She saw his jaw tighten. “Sorry, ya know what I’ve gone too far.”
His harsh words made Ripley cringe, one brown orb stayed on his blue eyes, but the other was squinted shut. Her heart felt as if a hand had just clenched over it and squeezed until it couldn’t beat anymore. "That’s wasn’t chance that was fate. “ She whispered. "Just like fate brought you James and Sirius, hell even Peter. I stopped believing in fate after dad died last year, but then again I stopped believing in a lot of things. For Gods sakes Remus don’t end up like me. ”
"You’re right you never said it, you never say anything on it, so how am I supposed to know?" Her anger bubbled up so quickly it surprised even her. Ripley let go of his one his hands and brought the other one up to her still damp cheek, tilting her face into his palm. "I want you to try,” She whispered brokenly. Strong old Rip, miss. Independent, the hockey player, don’t cry when you get hit was ready to cry her heart out for this boy. "I want you to see what I see everyday from you.” He was angry with her; she didn’t need an empath to tell her that. "A boy who stands by his friends, who comforts the lost, a handsome, strong, smart and funny guy. Who deserves so much more than he has planned for himself. She brought his hand back down to the space in between them. "I believe in second chances...I don't know how you feel about them." |
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Post by Remus Lupin on Jul 23, 2007 11:48:05 GMT -5
This was repetitive, how much longer would they be going in circles from each other, the same thing every other time. Just arguing which would soon turn to anger and shouting and then God knows what. Her tears were trying hard to escape as much as she didn't want them too. And Remus knew they were for him, and that's what made him uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do, what he felt, he was confused plain and simple.
Again she had a point. It was just hard to break the habit and shell of distance, he'd done it almost his whole life in a sense. Yes he had best friends, but that was different in someway because they were like his family. The one at home didn't really count. But she just wasn't about to give up and Remus didn't want to explain anymore, he'd done his best to put sense in her mind and reason. But deductive reasoning never got you anywhere it seems, at least not in personal lives or social situations.
She was making a big deal out of nothing, leaving just on his account? It made him realize just how strong these feelings were, that they were unique and just pushing her everywhere. He was basically speechless at the moment out of thought and confusion. She was willing to do all that, to help, and he didn't want it. What was this going to amount to?
All this time he'd remained silent, just listening to her words as they tried to sway his already set mind. What was fate anyway? The cruel thing that controlled his life and let him every which way, with false hope down the hall that crushed everything within a second. No. There wasn't fate either, he decided shaking his head a little disagreeing with her. What did he believe? He couldn't do much with that because his future was bleak, sure plenty of opportunities for a werewolf, right?
She was completely right. He never said anything on it, just let her do all the talking so he could argue with her. "I just...I don't know what I feel, I don't know anything..." He replied, there he had finally spoken on the subject. With Ripley, she was his friend and that's all she had ever been. She took his hand and placed it on her face, he could feel the thin trails where her tears had fallen. His eyes softened as he looked at her and listened. Remus just didn't want this to split them apart, she was too good of a friend to deserve that. But as far as second chances went, he'd never given it a thought, but he nodded his head slightly, in a 'yes' motion, second chances were good.
And with that, he didn't where things would go, he'd need to think on it some more. But just to show her that he didn't hate her or was ungrateful, he pulled her into a hug, a simple one really but he hated to see her like this, all torn up.
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Post by Ripley Todd on Jul 23, 2007 12:17:30 GMT -5
Ripley couldn't say too much more on this whole fucked up thing. She had spilt her peasly black guts out and for the most part, it had meant absolutly nothing. Nothing to him, nothing at all. She released his hand and wiped her tears with the heels of her palms. She was done, everything she wanted, everything she believed in, gone, like dust in the wind. A cold breeze blew across her cheeks, her dark brown hair blowing in the wind.
If only her life was a fairy tale, if her wishes on those stupid first stars would come true, if dreams weren't for rookies. She sighed softly trying to rid the pain, but it was time she faced the truth, she was a girl and girls cried when they got hurt. Remus and Ripley would just keep running circles until all of this settled down and stopped being so damn confusing. She cocked her head to one side as he spoke. So, she was right after all, he didn't know what he felt, therefore her dreams were shattered. "No one said I wouldn't give you time, if we ever have a relationship, I don't want to be the only one with feelings." No, she had been down that road before.
Ripley was honestly shocked that Remus pulled her into a hug. But also a little bit comforted. She put her forehead against his shoulder and really wanted to cry on it, but refrained from doing so, things were already difficult enough. "Take your time Remus." She whispered, sniffling. Really, what was a couple more years? There was the wellknown pessimist in Ripley. She loved him as a friend and if in the end of this all that was all they were, sure she would cry and be miserable for a little bit, but life would go on. She hoped.
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Post by Remus Lupin on Jul 23, 2007 21:11:50 GMT -5
Remus was torn on staying with Ripley here and figuring out what to do and just walking away to be swallowed in his thoughts in another part of the school. It started getting breezy, but he ignored the cold for now, it didn't bother him at all. Remus was never one really for words, especially in a situation like this. And he couldn't help but wonder how this all got this far.
The prospect of a relationship itself was confusing and he lightly nodded his head to understand, still thinking about it. Well they still had a while till they ended up parting ways, so who knew what could happen. Just because he was pessimsitic and whatnot, Remus didn't really have any big dreams, he did but those had been dumped long ago, when he became not even fully human anymore.
She didn't push him away and that was comforting, as he could feel her head against his shoulder. Good to know she didn't hate him now for the idiot he had sort of been. She offered him time, and he would think because that was what he did best, think and be the intelligent one among his small group. "Just promise me one thing. That you won't follow me on the full moon anymore." He asked, voice now calm and sincere, but he just needed at least that.
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Post by Ripley Todd on Jul 23, 2007 21:33:58 GMT -5
"Just promise me one thing. That you won't follow me on the full moon anymore."
Ripley drew back for a moment, brow furrowed, a frown on her lips. "But--" She sighed softly, shoulders drooping, a clear sign of surrender. "Promise me you'll be as safe as you can be?" She asked softly. She went back into his embrace, subdued for the moment. "This is kinda nice." She admitted softly. "I'm still sorry." It was better that Remus not argue with her on that.
Between the two of them, Lily would have an earful, but Rip supposed that would get her mind off of James. "You do realize we have to get James and Lily together, right?" She whispered. "Otherwise, they'll go no where." She was forgetting her own problems already and focusing on the others. She would do that for as long as she lived, she knew that.
The wind grew colded and insticntivly she tightened her arms around Remus for warmth, closing her eyes, she let herself drift into what it'd be like to do this on a daily basis, before it hit her, like a fist to her stomach, that he wasn't sure, and until there came a time when he knew, that this--the hugging...was only as friends.
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Post by Remus Lupin on Jul 23, 2007 23:46:21 GMT -5
Remus already knew she would protest, and was ready to interject her reply, whatever it may have been. "I can't promise, but I can try." He replied. That was too easy of a promise to break. It simply wasn't up to him because God knows some random silver airborne projectile came on the full moon night. The corner of his mouth turned up a little, it was nice, he had to admit, he was feeling in a better mood than when he had arrived.
"It's not getting them together, its getting Lily to agree." James was already in his position, likely a large throne-like chair somewhere atop a hill, next to an empty one waitng for Lily. They were worse if you looked at it, just like running into a wall and expecting to get to the otherside anytime soon.
The cold was creeping in on them and their closeness helped. She felt good there, as in he didn't do this often. Maybe a random hug from Lily, but that was different. This was more intimate, but still on friends terms. It was almost perfect, his mind drifted to that thought for a moment. "It's getting cold, we should head inside." He suggested, so they wouldn't freeze to death.
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Post by Ripley Todd on Jul 24, 2007 10:17:15 GMT -5
"I can't promise, but I can try."
"All I want ya to do is try, Rem, nothing more." Ripley replied softly. She knew he would. Remus was strong like that, he just sometimes didn't know how strong. Just like Ripley never knew how much she did want to be with someone until they had been standing there hugging, sure she could tell Lily she didn't need anyone, she could tell Sirius that he was stupid and no guy would date her and she could tell herself that she wasn't going down that road again...but here she was. And it felt good.
"It's not getting them together, its getting Lily to agree."
"I've been trying," Rip stated into his neck. "But she still doesn't believe he has any chance in hell of maturing." She sighed softly. "So, should you hold him while I beat him or the other way around? They had to find a way to get James to mature, so that he could be happy. So, that Lily could see that James wasn't just--well, James. And she and Remus would find a way--together.
It's getting cold, we should head inside
"Yeah, Sirius and James will probably come up with something smart to say when we walk in." Ripley muttered dryly, pulling away from the warmth, from Remus's touch. Once she had it was clear how cold it had gotten and for a moment she felt glee. "The ice'll be frozen in no time if it gets colder. She took his hand, as a guide for the moment and began the walk. If he didn't want to hold hands she'd stop. She giggled in her mind. Holding hands...She shook her head. She was screwed. |
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